Do you ever...

feel as if your a disjointed member of your own life? Let me go back to the beginning of the year. You know my husband was gone. Well during that time I got sick twice and my two little ones got sick, as did my 12 yr old. Among other things we had sickness going on and school out for some and in for some. I was by myself etc. So needless to say life was chaotic. I thought I did the right thing by asking for help from my "friends" with things I felt I just couldnt juggle while my husband was gone. I hadnt asked for help but once for ONE day prior to this. You see I had a LOT going on. I was a co leader for my activity days class, I was part of a carpool and had to drive one week every 3 wks, all the sickness, my daughter broke several toes during this time, and I pulled a muscle in my chest of all things. So needless to say it was a very eventful 7 wks that my husband was gone. I wasnt really sleeping from my chest and from him not being home. This is where the downfall begins.

I asked one of the other people in the carpool to help me by taking my runs which was only 2 maybe 3 wks during this time and that I would take hers when my husband came home. She said sure no problem. So after my hubby returned I missed once maybe twice picking up my turns. Well my one daughter has been sick and having some appts of her own to take care of and well this past week her carpool decided we didnt work with them and so our part has been dissolved. If my daughter still wants a ride she can walk to their house at 530 in the morning and they will take her. Yeah 530 am in the dark. Granted it is only about a 1/4 mile but hello?? She would be outside alone. Just because we are on base doesnt mean we are safe. My daughter response was great we can be late EVERY DAY then. Apparantly the only time they are on time is when I take them (atleast that is what she says). She says half the time the one family doesnt even show up until 10 til 6 and its a 10-15 min drive depending on your speed and the light situation. I can beleive they are late because I know when I do the pick ups their kid always makes us feel rushed because he takes 5 min or more to show up when he knows your waiting.

Anyways beside that I have/had a calling too. Apparantly I must have gotten released from it though because I never get to teach it and I never get any real say in it. I get to sit at the back and observe. I get told when they are and thats it. Tonight we were supposed to have class. I got an email addressed to the entire class that the other teacher was sick and had company so therefore class was cancelled. Really because I wasnt sick? I couldnt have stepped in?? Isnt that why they have several of us in this calling?? I guess not... I guess I am there to be her secretary and not her equal.

These are only a few of the things that are seriously bugging me. Honestly I dont even want to go to church and or to be around these people. Obviously I am a nothing to many of them and therefore dont deserve to be there.

I dont know if its me or what but I am in a seriously low place and its not like me. I have spent the past little while crying and I dont even know why. DId I do something to offend these people? When I was having serious problems did my ward step up and offer help?? HECK NO! The YW leader offered some help but she got released on a day we werent even there and she didnt even bother to let us know. My girls especially my oldest was quite upset. I thought she was a friend to us. I know that she was probably upset but can you imagine how we felt that we werent even told. The new YW pres. didnt even say anything or tell us what was going on until two weeks later. I only found out after I called all of the leaders almost from the old presidency before I finally got the secretary and she told me they had all been released. I called the old YW pres and left a message never bothered to return the call... a week later now still nothing.

Anyways its not even that. Its as if everything that can go wrong this week has gone wrong this week. The earthquakes knocked the fridge in the garage plug loose.... EVERYTHING ruined. So isnt that a great thing. ALL OF our meat for the next week and a half was in there. NO MEAT left now. Yeah! fun. AND let me add that my new furniture that is supposed to be here tomorrow only half of its showing up and that was after I called them to find out when it was coming... apparantly there was a glitch and they didnt call us. If I hadnt called I wouldnt have known they tried to push it back to april 25. GRRR. So my new table wont be here until then but my couches will be here tomorrow. The manager who was supposed to call back never did. Wont be shopping at MOR furniture again I dont think.

I am just beyond in a crappy mood... can you tell? Anyways my hubby is griping because I am doing this. So I am going to go to bed...

GRRR....

As an adult DO NOT allow an ear ache go for a week. This can lead to BIG problems if you do. Let me go back. Last year in Sept. I got an ear ache. I just thought it was from the excessive swimming I was doing. Well it didnt hurt all day so I ignored it. A week later I couldnt even turn my head to the right on Friday night. So I went into the ER. Severe ear infection! WOW! Okay fast forward a few weeks. I am in the car outside my daughter's school and decide to clean out the car some. So I am cleaning out the car and all of a sudden I am dizzy. REALLY DIZZY! I was getting nauseaus and everything. School was finally over and I had to drive home this way. It was very scary. I just kept praying that we could get home safely. So I get home and toss my cookies and have to lay down. A few hours later I was still nauseaus but my head wasnt spinning. I thought it was food poisoning. It went away no problems.... Fast forward to New Years Eve. I am out in some area I have never been to pick up the girls from our ward after the dance. It hits again. I get home and again toss my cookies. Get to sleep and I am fine in the morning. Well sometime in Jan I read a book that was talking about positional vertigo. It sounded familiar. So I went and looked it up. Positional vertigo can start from an ear infection. Okay so what is it?? Positional vertigo is (from emedicine.com) small particles become dislodged within the inner ear and then bounce around when your head moves, triggering faulty signals that your head is still moving even after it stops. This sensation of movement or imbalance when you are not moving is called vertigo.

Anyways I said I am not going to go into the doctors because I havent had any spells. Well guess what. Last night after again having no clear cut reason for it it happened again. (I didnt toss my cookies for once YEAH!) I did learn though that you shouldnt try and listen to your IPOD when you are dizzy. Why? because it makes your head spin faster! So how do you save yourself from your snoring husband when you have vertigo AND you cant use your IPOD?? You die. I thought I was but eventually I fell asleep. I woke up again fine! GRRR this is just a pain in my butt!

Its late and I should be asleep...

but this cold has me all turned around. I run a fever now and then its gone only to reappear mid afternoon and be gone by dinner. GRRRR. I am so wiped out half the time. I feel fine then try and do stuff and feel like I am run over by a mack truck. Example I woke up friday feeling good...(first time since Tuesday) so I went and helped with the lil bits Easter egg hunt for her class... then I had to pick up a prescription, come home picked up hubby (who was home sick) we went and got soup and the Blindside on BluRay (SUCH AN AWESOME MOVIE!) Came home felt like I was going to fall over and had a low grade fever but it was time to pick up the littles. GRRR! So I went and picked them up and then had to go to the bank. Got three of the 4 kids their own savings account (go Mom!) and let them sign over their checks from grandmommy. Got subs from Jersey Mikes (YUM!) and went home and fell asleep. Haha. Sad but true was sound asleep by 8.

Today was a lot of sleeping still feel like crap but probably why I am not asleep now! Freezing one min burning up the next.

ANywho tomorrow is a new day. Night

Its been awhile...

I really suck at this, but I am going to be working on a project for the next year so I wonder it that will help me to keep up with this. I have decided to write about what I am reading. Its at a new blog though called My Joy/ My Bane. I will link it here in a bit but I think it will be cool and I will talk about it on that site.

Here my hubby finally came home and my kids have all been ecstatic to have him home. I was too. Its unbelievably hard to parent when you get used to someone being there and then BLAM they are gone for 2 months. So he got home a little over a month ago and I swear he brought something home with him because it seems as if for the entire month someone has been sick all of that time. He came home sick. I was just getting over something and the kids all got sick. Then I got sick... then he got sick and so on and so on. First though I have to say its now spring here and pollen is KILLING me. Seriously pollen and I do not mix any better than grass and I mix. I dont think I will be starting spring break with pneumonia though this year. YEAH! Just the joys of pollen and allergies.

I finished another class and I am in another class. I packed off all my friends over the past few weeks it seems like. It has been hard. My closest friend moved three hours away. She has been my closest friend for 5 yrs. (Military life you know?) Some friends who thought they would be here got a order shift from here to Japan so we sent them off too. And right around when Hubby left I sent off another friend to Texas. OUCH All me friends are leaving me!!

Its hard. The kids took it hard. I have cried a lot over the past few weeks myself. I still have a lot of friends but you know there are some friends you know you will have forever and you dont want to leave.

Anywho I have also been swept up on the geneology sites. My daughter had a project due and we went to town. Lots of information from my husbands side not so much from mine haha. I am a ghost I tell ya!

Anyways until later... maybe I will go into detail on here about my trials and joys with geneology.

2 Weeks down....

Well with one monkey home sick all week it sure was a long week. Thankfully EVERYONE is well and ready for tomorrow when EVERYONE goes back to school. YEAH! Isnt that awesome??

I totally cannot wait. Although I am not one who likes the rain and apparently its going to rain all week. I really dislike driving in rain. I dont mind it if I get to stay home. I dont like it otherwise haha.

Well I do have a funny story from my lil one this week. She is so smart and thinks about things in a way that isnt like the rest of the kids. So let me give you the background first. In December I decided to go back on the pill. Not that I have needed it at all over the past 6 yrs (nursing for almost 3 yrs and then being pg made for no need! however after all that I still never got pg) Anywho I have decided to blame the fact that I am overweight on the fact that I didnt get pg. Probably has to do with the endometriosis too but who knows. Anywho I wanted to lose weight and didnt want to take a chance of getting pregnant while I was losing weight either. So I started the pill up again.

So at midnight I was taking my pill and my lil one says "Mom whats that pill for?" (she is uber conscious of people getting sick)I told her well if mom takes this pill it helps her to not have another baby. She sits for a minute or two and looks a tad bit confused.... So I asked her whats up? She looks at me and says, "Mom we have 3 girls and only ONE boy! We need more boys! Even when Daddy is here we dont have enough boys!" I laughed for a minute and though only she would voice it like that. The others are like YES no more kids haha.

Songs...

The Call by Regina Specktor

It started out as a feeling
which then grew into a hope
which then turned into a quiet thought
which then turned into a quiet word
and then that word grew louder and louder
until it was a battle cry
I'll come back
when you call me
no need to say goodbye
Just because everything is changing
Doesnt mean its never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to the war
Pick a star on the dark Horizon
And follow the light
You'll come back
when its over
no need to say goodbye
Now we're back to the beginning
Its just a feeling and no one knows yet
but just because they cant feel it to
Doesnt mean you have to forget
Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
Until theyre before your eyes
Youll come back
when they call you
no need to say goodbye
you'll come back when they call you
no need to say goodbye.


This song is from Prince Caspian. It is so awesome! Maybe its because it speaks to me on more than one level I dont know. Anyways I am so totally peaved because the only way to get this song is to *BUY* the entire soundtrack. Well what if I dont want this entire soundtrack? Only problem is that no where on Itunes can you buy it by itself. Atleast it wasnt coming up on there for sale by itself. I guess I could get it on my top 25 and then it would play on that list and then I could put most of the rest of the album on my Sunday list but what if I dont want to?

It really peeves me when you find songs like this. I LOVE the songs but cant get access to them without purchasing the entire album... but what if I dont like the rest of the album? I shouldnt be forced into buying something just because of one song.

Its a new week...

Over the last week we have had so much fun. Really its great when you get 3 out of 5 with the stomach virus. So this week was spent mostly in bed with other sickies. Grand time we had. I did take my second monkey into the doctor because it doesnt seem to be releasing her quite as easily as the rest of us. The doctor checked her over and then said its a virus.... to which my daughter replied with can I go to the bathroom? The doctor and I both looked at her and said why? Which was met with my daughter puking! grrr. Like I said it doesnt want to leave!!!

Other than that we said goodbye to some dear friends who got fast tracked orders and left for Texas. We will miss them dearly. It seems this past year all of our closest friends have left us. The James left in July, another set of friends wont leave for a few months but nonetheless will be gone, and then the Garcias. We retire in August but it doesnt appear we will be going anywhere other than maybe a ward change. That sucks.

We did make it through ONE week without hubby. Now we are looking at 5 1/2 wks more until he gets home. We miss you and love you. Glad your not getting sick with us though. And you not being here sure is making sleeping a tad bit better as there arent four of us trying to fit in the bed along with a pot in case its needed. Isnt life grand?

First post of the new year....

Hopefully not the last though haha. It seems I never really have time for this. My goal is to become a better writer this year and to lose weight. I watched a Good Eats show with Alton Brown this morning it was on dieting. Its the Live and Let Diet one. You can find it on youtube in three parts here . That is the first part. If you havent seen it you may want to grab a pen and paper BEFORE hand.

Anywho moving on my husband left for New Hampshire/Maine (he is right on the border working in Maine but staying in NH) on the 3rd. He wont be home until late Feb. So I am starting the new year alone haha. Well as alone as a person with 4 kids can :)

I am still in school. Hubby is still on active duty. This year though will bring lots of changes.... namely the two just listed will be completed. Retirement is coming in August and my degree will be done by the end of this year. WOW!

Hoping for lots of changes this year and will try and blog atleast weekly to keep those who bother reading abreast of that stuff haha.